a pocket full of rhinestones

Wednesday, April 06, 2005

I know, I know - I haven't posted in awhile.

And, of course it would be really really pointless for me to give a "catch up" post now because nothing too exciting has happened. Essentially it would be a long list of possible apartments visited, times drunk, food eaten with friends, and, sadly, primarily lists of books read.

Thus I will begin anew. As I push myself deeper into the elusive hermit-life of the orals-student, I have begun to miss people more. This is strange because really, I see everyone all the time. My problem is that I have become so used to seeing everyone all the time that any non-seeing of people (perhaps my 8-hour stretches in the Regenstein) tend to excite a kind of anxious loneliness. This is in complete contradistinction to my previous undergraduate hermitage where I really had no problem disappearing for weeks at a time (communicating with others only at meals and the occasional passage in the hall). Actually, I only really became a social person when I managed (through heavy medication) to control my constant anxiety about studying which made me work way, way too hard on everything. This is probably uninteresting in the most part, but what is interesting is the result.

The past few weeks I have feel the need, nay, the compulsion to tell people how wonderful they are, how much I love them, and what good people they really are-and-they-should-know-that-because-they-are-just-too-cool-for-words. This isn't to say that I don't truly feel that these people are all that I say they are, but rather that I think I'm freaking everyone out or perhaps making them think that I am secretly in love with them. Apparently I am afraid that as soon as I drift out of the picture for a few weeks everyone will forget me. Or perhaps it is because I am so invested in the idea of really letting people know the good things that you think about them, that I feel compelled to deliver all of my encouragement at once before I have to run away again. Odd

Anyways.

Other than my random compulsive friendliness, I've been studying a lot - met with my orals advisors sequentially MTW, so I am pretty fried right now. I'm on a 6.6 item a week schedule, so I will be disappearing more and more often into the oblivion of the library. Today was Algic Researches (Native American Folklore) and 100 Years of Folklore Study by the American Folklore Society. yay. I also read some De Man.

Also, I am currently in spring-food-mode which includes: seafood, chicken (a little), fresh veggies, fruit, and soda. I've been eating faux-seafood all week and craving salad. Things that are out: Beef, pork, cream, soup, coffee, desserts, and any bread that is not in sandwich form. This happens to me every year about this time (I gain weight over the winter, I lose it over the summer - such is the cycle of the depressive academic Wisconsinite)
Oh dear. This is why I haven't been posting. Well - I will keep you updated with random viscissitudes and the excitement of my sister's visit this weekend! YaY!

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