Eeep!
So I left my seminar today and was driving home with Heidi, when I suddenly realized (halfway through the conversation) that I was speaking exactly like my professor.
This was mildly disconcerting so - turning to Heidi and indicating my suspicion of the alterity in my orality - continued speaking in this mode for a further three sentences using the aforementioned complex of theoretical jargon. This brought immediate hilarity and I am now consciously capable of producing a perfect impression of this professor.
At the same time, however, this was an utterly destabilizing moment for me. Am I Descartes wax tablet - to be imprinted with not only memory and knowledge, but molded into LITTLE EXACT REPLICAS OF MY PROFESSORS? I posit to you that this is undeniably freaky and yet unsettling. Has academia so corroded my sense of self that I am capable of effortlessly embodying someone else's demeanor? Do I actually USE made up words in conversation in a non-mocking fashion? Is all of this happening without my knowledge? EEP?
Just for that, I will do no work tonight. I will work on my comic book - I will drink alcohol - I will get in touch with what it means to be Katie - even if this elusive Katie is to be found only at the bottom of a bottle of tequila. If I return from this inward journey, I hope that I will find my unique subjectivity - either that or I will find a hangover.
You rolls your dice and you takes your chances.
This was mildly disconcerting so - turning to Heidi and indicating my suspicion of the alterity in my orality - continued speaking in this mode for a further three sentences using the aforementioned complex of theoretical jargon. This brought immediate hilarity and I am now consciously capable of producing a perfect impression of this professor.
At the same time, however, this was an utterly destabilizing moment for me. Am I Descartes wax tablet - to be imprinted with not only memory and knowledge, but molded into LITTLE EXACT REPLICAS OF MY PROFESSORS? I posit to you that this is undeniably freaky and yet unsettling. Has academia so corroded my sense of self that I am capable of effortlessly embodying someone else's demeanor? Do I actually USE made up words in conversation in a non-mocking fashion? Is all of this happening without my knowledge? EEP?
Just for that, I will do no work tonight. I will work on my comic book - I will drink alcohol - I will get in touch with what it means to be Katie - even if this elusive Katie is to be found only at the bottom of a bottle of tequila. If I return from this inward journey, I hope that I will find my unique subjectivity - either that or I will find a hangover.
You rolls your dice and you takes your chances.
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