a pocket full of rhinestones

Tuesday, July 06, 2004

And another thing...

Are bits of me flaking off? Are little tiny tears in the fabric of my personality fraying in the wash? Am I fading in the sunlight? Do you notice a bit of a patina on my otherwise shiny demeanor?

Is it the summer blues? Is it a loss of interest? Is it depression? Is it paranoia?

Probably all of the above.

I guess I'm just becoming worried about the effect I seem to have on people - i.e. the one that makes them want to flee me or fight me (and sometimes both).

I am apparently very unsettling. I have been told this before (note the quotes from friends below - and this is when they're being nice), but the past few months have just confirmed my suspicions. I guess it has something to do with my inability to interact with others. I'm quite shy. I'm quite nervous. I'm quite paranoid. I have the tendency to look a peoples' left ear when they're talking (direct quote). I hide in my apartment. I can't spell and my grammar is unforgivable. I need to learn how to introduce quotations (direct quote). I try too hard (direct quote). I have no tact (direct quote). I repeat myself over and over because I have nothing to say. I make sarcastic comments that aren't really funny because I don't know what else to do (direct quote). I don't make time for people (direct quote). I tell people what I really think when they ask me. I pick fights (direct quote). I gossip. I am an intellectual snob (direct quote). And most people I meet don't like me (I have numbers to back this one up). Even people who love me would label me as "abrasive" (direct quote).

Is this a confession? Is this a public notice? I don't know. I guess I'm just feeling like a bull in a china shop these days. It happens to me occasionally - I'll get over it. One thing is clear - I will never be a politician.

The sad thing is that I really WANT to be one of the nice kids. Maybe I can take classes or something...

Please don't comment - it will only make me feel like I'm fishing for compliments and I'm not. I just want you to know: I know I'm like this; I'm working on it.

0 Comments:

Post a Comment

<< Home